Today Marks the Start of Many New Things

Today would have been my step mom's 56th birthday. But today she was finally put to rest at the Chateau de Frontenac in Canada. My mom woke up at sunrise to spread her ashes among the gardens of this beautiful hotel that Sharon once visited. Oh wait, you are probably stuck on the part that My Mom spread the ashes of my Step Mom, well, that's just the kind of family we are. It beats living in my mom's nightstand drawer (And that is a story for another time).

So as I woke up to the 4:15am text my mom sent, I had a moment of sadness as I reminisced all the times we shared together. It is amazing how time flies; alas, she is finally at peace; and I mean this in the literal sense. Living in my mom's nightstand drawer can't be the most peaceful place to rest!

Moving right along, it was my first day back at work. Thank God Huddy decided to wake up for his 3:00am feeding which allowed me extra time in the morning. So, I decided to wash my hair.  I was still thinking about Sharon as I was blow drying the last strand of my hair when my $200 blow dryer began to shower me with high speed, fiery trajectories! After the initial shock that I wasn't on fire, I realized there is absolutely No Way I am convincing my husband of getting another Beespoke T3! Bummer! Not to mention I now must find the time to stop at Target  for a new blow dryer.

Shortly after the defeat of my hair dryer, Huddy's new babysitter showed up. Today was the first day I left him for more than 2 hours. Thankfully, I was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic and then rerouted 20 min out of the way so I didn't have time to ball my eyes out due to separation anxiety.

So now I am back at work, and able to eat a bagel; breakfast, I think that counts as a first too. Anyways, we are piloting a new math curriculum, I won't bore you with the details, but another first which cost me 18 bucks an hour (the going rate for babysitters these days). Starting to think I'm in the wrong business!

So as I finish typing this blog, Bella is happily chewing on her new bone and I am enjoying the first moment of quiet I've had all day. I can only imagine what the night will bring; perhaps an off schedule bedtime routine for a baby who didn't sleep ALL day!

My mom the Superhero

Anyone who has ever met my mom knows that she has a clever way of doing a million things at once. In fact if she doesn't have 8 projects going on at once, I start to worry. I am baffled by her ability to raise three kids (under the age of 6) at the age of 28, alone! Never mind the challenges she faced, like, driving us around LA to do appraisals in 100 degree weather while Ashley and I puked in the backseat of her boss's Ferrari, which there really wasn't a backseat. Or how we got stranded in Washington D.C. because we didn't have enough change for the toll road. The fact is she raised 3 kids and did it all. We went all over the place, theme parks, Florida, Mexico, curises. There was never a dull moment in that family. I think she must have been born with some super human powers.

I, on the other hand, was born human and am beginning to fall apart. It's not good. I'm an emotional wreck.

My husband has been away for four weeks and has 3 more to go. He is in training for management and only gets to come home on Sundays. So, for the time being I am a single mom. He hates that I say that, but it's true. It's just me and Huddy and it is SO hard! Getting out of the house is a Huge accomplishment. Every time I turn around there is something to do. I feel like I'm constantly working and always two steps behind. I just can't catch up!

The other day I had to take him with me to the vet. Which was rough because I am still figuring out how to walk the dog and push a stroller at the same time. I constantly manage to get the leash tangled in the wheels or albeit, run over her! Then, yesterday, while I was sick, I had to take him with me to the dermatologist to get a mole removed. That was interesting. Huddy and I both laid on the table together. I was trying to entertain the baby while the doctor cut into my back with a knife!

I haven't told many people this, but I guess here's my announcement. My husband and I are buying a house! Something that I will be thrilled about when everything is done. It is in beautiful San Carlos where I work and we are half way through escrow. But this is another thing that is driving me crazy. Everyday there is so much to do! Before I get out of bed (at 6am) there is a list of 50 things to do! And I'm doing it all by myself. (Well, I was until I broke down on the phone with my mom and she decided to take over..thanks mom!)

Furthermore, I go back to work tomorrow and am pressured to get the house in somewhat of a livable state. Wouldn't want the nanny canceling after the first day. So here I am, vacuuming with baby in arm, trying to do laundry, clean up animal hair, and ready to head out to the grocery store so it looks like I eat.

On top of this, I was sick yesterday and my husband switched his day off to stay home and take care of me and the baby. Thank God, but needless to say, I won't see him for 8 days now. =(


When I was pregnant I had so many people eager to help, but now I feel like there is nobody. My mom has been a HUGE help, but there is only so much she can do since she is so far away. I wish I could just move back in for a bit. Sometimes we just really need our moms!

Mom, I love you!

Here We Go!

So here I am, blogging. Something I've been tempted to do since March when Huddy was born. Never thought I'd do it, but it seemed more productive than spending countless hours on Facebook everyday. I have to say that I was inspired by an old friend of mine, Christine. I love her blog and decided if anything, at least I would have documentation for Huddy. 


So of course as I begin to blog, Hudson wakes up from his nap. I can see him staring at me in the baby monitor, smiling. He has learned what the camera is all about and often puts his whole head up to it and just stares. It's almost like he can see me too. It's so funny! Anyways, isn't that how it always goes. No matter what, the minute I get in the shower, sit down to eat, open a book to relax, or even just press the "view" button on the monitor he wakes up. I swear I could really use a break right now. It has been 4 and a half months and I have yet to spend two hours away from him.  


I better be careful what I wish for though. Although I am ready for a break I am about to go back to work next week and just can't fathom the idea of leaving him for a solid 8 hours! I am starting to get anxiety and tearing up just thinking about it. As much as I want/need a break, I just can't do it. I thought that staying home with him the first five months would make going back to work easier, but I think that is only making it harder. I've heard of friends crying all the way to work when they have to leave their baby for the first time and remember thinking, "Oh, I'll be fine." Well, I'm not! I'm already crying and he's in the next bedroom! 


I am worried sick about him and wonder how he will communicate his needs to his babysitter. No one understands him like I do. They don't know that his long, groaning yells really mean "I'm tired," or that he needs to be held CONSTANTLY, I don't care if he weighs 22lbs already. And he likes to bite now, especially my collar bone, OUCH! But I let him do it. Will his babysitter? He's very demanding and needs lots of attention. He is not one of those baby's that just chills. I'm practically a magician with all the tricks I've got up my sleeve these days.


I'm sure I'm not alone but it's what's on my mind right now. Never thought I'd want to be a stay at home mom, but I think I've changed my mind. 


Okay, time to go change a poopy diaper...maybe I do want to go back to work, haha