Here We Go!

So here I am, blogging. Something I've been tempted to do since March when Huddy was born. Never thought I'd do it, but it seemed more productive than spending countless hours on Facebook everyday. I have to say that I was inspired by an old friend of mine, Christine. I love her blog and decided if anything, at least I would have documentation for Huddy. 


So of course as I begin to blog, Hudson wakes up from his nap. I can see him staring at me in the baby monitor, smiling. He has learned what the camera is all about and often puts his whole head up to it and just stares. It's almost like he can see me too. It's so funny! Anyways, isn't that how it always goes. No matter what, the minute I get in the shower, sit down to eat, open a book to relax, or even just press the "view" button on the monitor he wakes up. I swear I could really use a break right now. It has been 4 and a half months and I have yet to spend two hours away from him.  


I better be careful what I wish for though. Although I am ready for a break I am about to go back to work next week and just can't fathom the idea of leaving him for a solid 8 hours! I am starting to get anxiety and tearing up just thinking about it. As much as I want/need a break, I just can't do it. I thought that staying home with him the first five months would make going back to work easier, but I think that is only making it harder. I've heard of friends crying all the way to work when they have to leave their baby for the first time and remember thinking, "Oh, I'll be fine." Well, I'm not! I'm already crying and he's in the next bedroom! 


I am worried sick about him and wonder how he will communicate his needs to his babysitter. No one understands him like I do. They don't know that his long, groaning yells really mean "I'm tired," or that he needs to be held CONSTANTLY, I don't care if he weighs 22lbs already. And he likes to bite now, especially my collar bone, OUCH! But I let him do it. Will his babysitter? He's very demanding and needs lots of attention. He is not one of those baby's that just chills. I'm practically a magician with all the tricks I've got up my sleeve these days.


I'm sure I'm not alone but it's what's on my mind right now. Never thought I'd want to be a stay at home mom, but I think I've changed my mind. 


Okay, time to go change a poopy diaper...maybe I do want to go back to work, haha